Love, Never Leave Me
And Other Obstacles to Relationships

The following is an excerpt from Allow More Love in Your Life, available both as a course and an e book. It describes some of the issues that keep us from loving fully.

POSSESSIVENESS:
Love, Never Leave Me

Chicory is the Bach Flower Remedy most related to releasing possessiveness. Although the Chicory state can be chronic it may also be a temporary rough spot. Rare is the human who's never thought, "After all I did for her" or who never itched to give unsolicited advice. Such a state, whether temporary or chronic, usually occurs when people aren't connected with themselves as the source of love. It's an emptiness that seeks to fill itself with the attention of other people, and the remedy Chicory works to dissolve this need.

Rose quartz is the ideal counterpart to Chicory, having the same ability to create within us our inner source of nurturance. If you want to meditate with this stone, you can place it on your heart, a practice we find especially powerful if you also use the Star of David layout (see below). Wearing rose quartz when you're going through a spell of not loving yourself is also very helpful.

JEALOUSY:
Love, Oh Jealous Love

The Bach Flower Remedy Holly is the ideal essence for jealousy. It's also a very useful essence if you're not quite sure what your love issues are if you seem to have so many you feel you could never work through all of them.

Dr. Bach said, "Holly protects us from everything that is not Universal Love. Holly opens the heart and unites us with Divine Love."

Because jealous people share with possessive ones a lack of self-nurturance, rose quartz works well with issues of jealousy.

REPETITION:
Over and Over Again

People who fall in love with the same person are usually following the impulse of the ego or will rather than the spontaneous intuition of the deeper soul. They rarely pause to listen for inner messages. The Chestnut Bud Bach Flower Remedy opens up that channel, allows the individual to slow down a little, to consider prospective actions, to learn from mistakes.

The companion crystal for this condition is clear quartz, "the mirror of the soul." Holding, gazing at, and meditating with clear quartz (either a point or a cluster) can help to bring us into contact with our deeper purpose in life.

I particularly recommend placing six points (of any size) at the head, feet, hips, and shoulders in the Star of David layout. Meditating within this layout creates the balance between ego and soul that can bring clarity to the events of one's life.

LOST LOVE:
Only The Memories Remain

The person who remains attached to a lost love (or close friend) needs Bleeding Heart (FES), an aptly named remedy. In some ways the Bleeding Heart response is the other side of being very critical. The person is longing for a lost love and is all too willing to overlook the deepest flaws of the beloved and to surrender his/her identity to that person. This act is co-dependency, not the respectful and appreciative merging of two equals.

Using this flower remedy helps us to nourish our inner sense of self-love, so that we no longer need to hold on to the memory of someone who's gone. Once we're free of the past, our search for a beloved is based on strength, not the need to find a person who will make up for what we feel we lack.

Onyx is a good counterpart to Bleeding Heart. It has been said that in India it was commonly worn to cool the ardors of love. If we translate this into attachments that may verge on obsession, we discover onyx's value in such situations. As a grounding stone, it can help to bring us into contact with the realities of our own lives.

EMOTIONALLY OVERWHELMED:
I Feel What You Feel

Essences

Pink Yarrow (FES) is a basic flower essence for setting emotional boundaries, helping to draw the line between compassion and emotional identification. It helps our hearts to attune to their own emotional strength and to help out of that strength.

Crystals

Hematite is the most valuable stone to work with in setting boundaries.

Because these silvery-gray stones can be polished to such a high sheen, long ago they were used as mirrors. Their content is iron oxide. Iron was traditionally associated with Mars, and warriors used to rub their bodies with it in the belief that it would protect them.

Hematite is a protective stone, though perhaps not in the way the ancient Romans imagined it to be. As a power stone whose purpose is to deepen the connection between spirit and body, it helps us to keep our sense of self and sense of purpose firm. Its reflective quality symbolizes its ability to help deflect the emotions of others.

Sodalite is a stone of mental and emotional balance. When we're in a state of emotional turmoil, it can help restore us to a calm and reflective state.

EMOTIONALLY DISTANT:
What's the Point of Discussing It?
Or
You Know I Love You

Essences

The Water Violet personality is admired for self-reliance and individuality. Those who try to get close to one of them, however, may find themselves rebuffed.

People who need this essence are characterized by a reluctance to become involved emotionally with others. When those who want their advice pursue them, they tend to withdraw even more deeply. They reason that when they're burdened with a problem they prefer to figure it out themselves, rather than risk interference from others. What they don't see is that they are missing out on the opportunity to relate to and learn from other people.

Those who take the Water Violet remedy don't switch over to extroversion. They will probably continue to be reserved and independent, and will rarely interfere with others' lives. They do, however, become more open to relationships with others, recognizing that they have something to share and a responsibility to share it.

People who can benefit from Baby Blue Eyes have chosen aloofness as a defense against feelings of mistrust they learned as children. Usually they have been betrayed by parents or other significant adults, and grow up feeling the world is not a safe place. Their protective strategy is to stay distant from others. It is particularly recommended for people who had/have an absent or abusive father.

The Baby Blue Eyes flower essence helps people to restore to themselves a childlike innocence, particularly by enabling them to recognize goodness in the world and to be drawn to it.

In the person who needs Pink Monkeyflower, the active emotion is not hostility, but shame. Childhood sexual and/or physical abuse is commonly at the root of this emotion. They also experience a particular kind of fear, that of exposing their vulnerability and pain to others. They long for physical and emotional contact, but are afraid to reach out for it.

Pink Monkeyflower helps them to develop the courage to reach out and take emotional risks with others.

Crystals

In general, the red stones: ruby, ruby-zoisite, carnelian, garnet, and red jasper, can be very helpful for those who tend to be aloof, because they can lend a quality of emotional expressiveness to the personality.

Of these, ruby, the crystal for passion, is most powerful, but it may be a little jolting for those who are aloof. Ruby in zoisite has a softer quality, as ruby's fire is grounded in the green of zoisite. Garnet is another excellent crystal with a softer, but still passionate energy.

It can also be important to understand the origins of one's aloofness. Someone who can benefit from either Baby Blue Eyes or Pink Monkeyflower will find rose quartz soothing and healing. Pink calcite can help the emotionally traumatized person to learn how to reach out for others.


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