The Blame Game

"It's not my fault," is perhaps the most common defense made by a child accused of some wrongdoing. Another common, and related, defense is to blame whatever happened on someone else.

Children learn to do this because it is so painful to feel the withdrawal of their parents' love and to bear the weight of their disapproval - and often punishment. The more often they divert blame from themselves to someone else the more likely they are to begin to believe that it's true.

As adults, we may use the same strategy. He's late for work? It's not because he overslept. The subway broke down. She lost her job? It wasn't because she spent half her time there on the telephone. The boss had it in for her from the beginning.

When such strategies become a way of life, when the happiness of others is resented, when one begins to believe that the world itself has it in for her/him, an individual is in the state called by Bach Flower Practitioners Willow.

Unlike Holly people, who also feel that life is unjust, but are quite vocal about their discontent, Willow people simmer in their resentment. They may be critical in subtle ways, but rarely explode. Thus, whereas those in the Holly condition may have occasional release from their negativity, Willow's bitterness is perpetual.

Over time Willow people increasingly see the world through the veil of their negativity, and, as a result their ability to see any positive aspects to their lives diminishes.

Accentuate the Positive

Although the severe form of negative Willow is no more common than other conditions, it is quite common as a partial condition, one area of life which resists growth.

There are people who are successful in their careers, are prosperous, and creative, but they can't seem to find a life partner.

They say," All the good men/women are taken," or "I won't lower my standards" or "No one knows the meaning of commitment any more." They prefer not to be around happy couples.

I have heard spiritually-oriented people say, "I couldn't help doing that; it's something from a past life."

Whether Willow is a complete or a partial condition, the individual is seeing things through the filter that change and improvement is impossible. This filter distorts not only the outer reality, but the inner truth that to some degree the individual has avoided taking responsibility.

It can be a healing recognition to realize that even in the simple statement, "I can" there can be a feeling of empowerment which begins to dissolve the veil. When they are truly committed to change they can take heart in the realization that the ability to be responsible is one of the greatest human gifts. To be responsible is to have power, the ability to change one's life, to realize one's dreams.

With the Willow Flower Essence one can feel a new flowering of consciousness. Just as the graceful willow tree provides a source of golden color during the drab days of winter, so in the darkness of a victim's soul the Willow Flower Essence sheds light.

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