A Sample Consultation
The following is an example of the information and guidance we give in a consultation. It is based on the following information which an imaginary client has given us.
Anne was the oldest of three children. Her father died shortly after the birth of the youngest child. Her mother worked, and Anne had to take care of the younger children after school and do much of the housekeeping. She resented having little free time, and was ashamed that her mother worked (this was in the late fifties-early sixties).
Anne is forty-four now. Her marriage of fifteen years ended two years ago when her husband left her for another woman. She has a fourteen-year-old daughter. She works in the bookkeeping department of a large corporation. She has recently become interested in spirituality, reads books on the subject, and has begun to practice meditation.
She describes her physical health as good, except that she has trouble sleeping because she lies awake worrying, or wakes up in the early morning and can't get back to sleep because of her worries.
Even though she receives adequate child support and makes a decent living at her job she constantly worries that she won't be able to provide a living for herself and her daughter. This is the primary condition she would like to change.
She says that she's bored with her present job, but that because of the security and benefits she can't even consider leaving it. If she had the opportunity, though, she'd like to work in a situation which would be more people-oriented. She thinks that she might be good at teaching, although she doesn't know what she would teach.
Regarding her marital or partnership relationship, she says that when she was married she felt that she could rely on her husband, although there wasn't a great deal of companionship in their marriage. She is still angry at her husband for leaving her. She would like to get into a new relationship, but doesn't feel that she can ever trust anyone again.
As far as her family is concerned, her brother and sister live far away, and she rarely sees them. Her mother died ten years ago. Her primary relationship is with her daughter, whom, she says, refuses to take any kind of responsibility around the house and often threatens to go live with her father.
In terms of her physical and emotional health, lack of sleep is her biggest problem. She drinks too much coffee to stay awake, and by the time she gets home from work she is both exhausted and jittery. She knows that this doesn't help her in her troubled relationship with her daughter, as she has no patience.
She became drawn to spirituality because she felt so victimized by her inability to shut off her mental worries. She finds that if she meditates before bedtime she can sleep a little better. She's begun to explore working with affirmations and visualizing the kind of life she wants to live-- she doesn't really believe that such practices work. She has never used flower essences before.
Anne, we agree that your fear of not being able to support yourself and your daughter is the primary issue to be addressed. It is clearly taking a tremendous toll on your physical and emotional health, which in turn is aggravating your relationship with your daughter. For this condition we recommend White Chestnut
WHITE CHESTNUT: This Bach Flower Remedy is helpful for those who go over the same worries over and over again, especially when they want to be relaxing or asleep. The desperation you feel about your inability to shut off your worrying is characteristic of people who can benefit from this remedy. In the positive White Chestnut state an individual's mind becomes more calm; she is thus able to objectively evaluate the problems which arise and find solutions for them. She is also able to detach from those worries which are related to problems which haven't manifested, and allow them to pass through her mind.
Dr. Bach wrote that this repetitious pattern of worry can sometimes be an attempt to allow unresolved and perhaps vital feelings to come to the surface. We feel that this may be the case for you. It seems possible that your worries are less about economic survival than about your feelings of anger and abandonment regarding your husband.
From your childhood you have an association with the loss of your father and economic hardship, being deprived of social activities, and the virtual loss of your mother. We recommend two flower essences for this condition, Baby Blue Eyes and Mariposa Lily.
BABY BLUE EYES: Those who need this FES remedy often either lost a father in early childhood or had an abusive one. They lack a sense of security regarding both other people and in the world itself. Whereas other people may have a basic trust that things work out for the best, those who can be helped by this flower essence tend to feel that things will work out for the worst-- if they haven't yet. As in your case, it can be difficult for them to have faith in the power of affirmation, visualization, and other spiritual practices. Taking this flower remedy will help you to heal the wounds inflicted in childhood so that you can develop more faith in life-- in yourself.
MARIPOSA LILY: This FES flower essence has a healing effect on those who lacked maternal nurturing as children. Your mother's early widhowhood and need to work put a tremendous burden on her relationship with you. You didn't receive the nurturing which every child needs, and, just as your mother came home tired and worried every night, so do you now, which is having a damaging effect on your relationship with your own daughter. Your taking this remedy will also help to heal your relationship with her. In combination with the other remedies we've recommended, you'll find that it has the effect of making you more patient and more able to give her the nurturance she so greatly needs.
We haven't directly addressed your desire to change careers. As you stated, you can't think about this until your worries about being able to support yourself and your daughter have been alleviated. We feel that once this condition and the others we discussed are cleared up you will have more freedom to consider the future.
Rose quartz is an important stone for self-nurturance. In working with it one finds that instead of looking to others for their nurturance they are able to draw on their own supply of self-love and self-esteem. If you meditate lying down place a stone on your heart center. If you sit hold the stone in your hand.
Citrine is often used by those who want to bring more abundance in their lives. It is also a useful stone for activating a sense of personal power and the ability to be responsible for your life. For lying-down meditation it should be placed in the navel area; hold it for sitting.
Amethyst is a good general stone for deepening spiritual practices. It also has a calming effect on the mind and spirit. Place it on the third eye (between the other two) or hold it during meditation. You may also want to place it inside your pillow case when you go to sleep at night.
Any of the crystals mentioned may also be worn as a pendant.
Lavender is a wonderfully calming oil which is often used to help people go to sleep. Rosewood, myrrh, and frankincense can all be used to deepen meditation practices.
You can sprinkle five or six drops of lavender in bathwater; this would be especially helpful if you take a bath right before going to bed.
The other oils may also be put in bathwater, or burned in an aromalamp or oil diffuser. We recommend sprinkling a few drops of each into a carrier oil such as canola or jojoba.
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