I usually write about love for the February issues. This time I'm writing about the importance of loving yourself.
Consider the following statements. How many of them apply to you?
These beliefs are the logical result of ingrained social attitudes about accomplishment. The excerpt below comes from an article I read several years ago describing the attitudes of childhood educators.
"[They disapprove of] People who focus on self-esteem as a goal rather than as a by-product of competent behavior. [Many of those] working in the field would now agree that self-esteem enthusiasts went too far when they suggested that children should be made to feel good no matter their effort or motivation.
"'If you bask in feeling good,' Ruble says, 'you never accomplish anything. Children should take pride in their accomplishments, not in the mere fact of their existence.'" NYT Sunday magazine, Feb. 14, 1998. The Disciples of Discipline, by Susan Bolotin
Many traditional religions hold to the doctrine of original sin, which states that because Adam and Eve disobeyed God, all succeeding humans were born flawed. Modern psychologists and philosophers have adapted this viewpoint into nonreligious terms. As the sinner must earn a state of grace, so people must earn the right to feel good about themselves -- over and over again.
When I consider this viewpoint, I'm not surprised that for a large percentage of my clients, low self-esteem is the most important issue. We also see the results in burned-out executives, children who have been so trained into achievement and competitiveness that they and their parents are in breakdown, and teenagers and college students cheating in order to get the grades they think they need for success. Overall, we see societies forgetting the value of qualities that come from the heart: kindness, compassion, and unconditional love.
I also think much of the growing interest in a spiritual perspective that stands outside of traditional religious beliefs stems from an innate knowledge that a state of grace, whether we call it happiness, self-acceptance, or self-love, is not and cannot be earned.
The following comes from The Nature of Personal Reality, a Seth book channeled by the late Jane Roberts.
"The state of grace is a condition in which all growth is effortless, a transparent, joyful acquiescence that is a ground requirement of all existence. Your own body grows naturally and easily from its time of birth, not expecting resistance but taking its miraculous unfolding for granted; using all of itself with great, gracious, creatively aggressive abandon.
You were born into a state of grace, therefore. It is impossible for you to leave it. . . . You share this blessing with the animals and all other living things. You cannot 'fall out of' grace, nor can it be taken from you."
Imagine telling a cat it has to earn the right to bask in feeling good. That would raise several tails in my household. Animals, as Seth says, assume their rights as naturally blessed beings. Only humans make grace something to be doled out to those who win the most approval.
Why we do that isn't the subject of this article. Since both Rainbow Reflections and Living with Crystals are devoted to practical suggestions, I'm concerned with how to get back to the state of grace.
A good way to find out the degree to which you try to gain a sense of esteem from others' opinions is to go back to the statements that begin this article.
Some of these statements relate to each other. If you recognize yourself in statement 9:
"I think it takes hard work and suffering to get anything done."
You may also find some relevance in statement 4:
"I feel a need to impress people with how much I get done, with how many projects I have going, or with how overwhelmed I am."
Getting anything done is hard work, and you like people to know how hard you work.
I find myself tempted by this combination. Say I was wrongly charged for something on my credit card, and do you know I had to speak to four different people to straighten it out? Do you know how much time that took? But I triumphed.
Sometimes this begins in appreciation of the outside world. You might spend time to enjoy a sunset or the sound of a bird singing. Go to an art gallery or put on music that has special meaning for you. Eat something you really enjoy.
As you bask in the act of appreciation, remind yourself that these gifts of sight, sound, and taste are given to everyone. The sunset doesn't tell you to close your eyes because you're not worthy of its beauty. The music doesn't stop playing because you didn't graduate at the top of your class.
These realizations bring you close to an awareness that you don't need to do anything special to be deserving of happiness. Self-appreciation is a state that grows the more you feel it. It removes the obstacles to your experience of the state of grace that is your birthright.
Seth closes The Nature of Personal Reality with these words:
"I am Seth. I speak my name joyfully. . . . Then each of you speak your names with affirmations every morning."
To start the day in this manner replenishes the unlimited and unconditional love for yourself. No amount of praise from others can equal this gift that you deserve, simply because you are.
Crystals and flowers never question their right to flourish, in their unlimited variations. They vibrate according to their individual designs and provide for us powerful bridges to our own source.
The following have special relationships to self-esteem.
Golden citrine captures the radiance of the sun, which shines on us, whether or not we "deserve" its light and warmth. This crystal helps to deepen self-esteem and the feeling of personal empowerment.
Smoky Quartz works well in partnership with citrine. It helps us to feel that we belong on earth with every other creature and helps to relieve depression and low self-esteem.
Rose Quartz is the primary crystal for self-love. Its soft pink goes deep within to dissolve memories of old hurts and to enable us to love ourselves.
Kunzite helps us to deepen our inner sense of the best action to take. It helps us to make loving choices.
Larch and Pine are both Bach Flower Remedies. Larch works to deepen self-esteem and self-confidence. Since guilt often stands in the way of self-esteem, taking Pine can also be very helpful.
The Wild Earth Animal Essences offer a large choice of animals. I recommend that you choose the animal with whom you most identify. You may be drawn to the joyful grace of a hummingbird, otter, or dolphin. Perhaps the soaring eagle or the stalking tiger attract you. Whatever animal makes your heart sing is calling you to appreciate the gift of life.
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